Luddite Laugh Pillows

"In reply to your inquiry regarding the Burke garden hoe, please visit our Worldwide Web home page at: http://www.burke1903.com."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Dammit all, haven't they heard of e-mail?"

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"We were looking for a non-hackable, energy efficient data center. Thanks for the file cabinet."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"It's another e-mail from your folks. You know, this would be a whole lot easier if you'd just tell them about the Web."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"It's a smart toaster. If you can't figure it out, press the 'Dumb It Down' button."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

'Word came from on high that managers had to develop their IT skills...'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Pensioners and Phones

"Judging by all the hair you've pulled out of your head, I must be hard to teach technology to than I thought."

"I've gone for a retro phone."

'Unfortunately illuminating the strike placards could take a few years.'

"Reboot? I've kicked it six times, but it still won't work?"

"Why would I upload my files to a computer?"

"Look mate, I keep rebooting and nothing happens!!"

"You don't need your selfie stick...the booth takes selfies for you!"

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

"My four-year-old son usually helps me, but he's at his grandparents' home."

"We're going to have to erase your search history."

Old Mother Hubbard, Went to the Cupboard...'Now what did I come here for?'

Mom & Pops General Store - Free Hi-Fi

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary : "I. P. Address - The answer to the question, "Where is the bathroom?"

"Apparently, you didn't learn your lesson when you tried cleaning your phone screen like that."

Caution Dulcimer

'Who's there?'

"The wonders of technology always keep me wondering."

Sponsored by the Flat Earth Society

Diarrhoea Discussion Class: Runs Until Friday