Loyal Local Mugs

"Oh that's Mike, he's like part of the furniture round here"

"Remember when it was 'The Dog and Duck'?"

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

Wifi in Hell

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"I remember him before he was getting hte winter fuel allowance."

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

Bottle Distillery

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

"Who do you like in the super bowl?"

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

Personal Assistants.

Frank and Ernie's Relationship Advice. It's not enough to just accept that relationships are two-way streets ... You must also avoid taking side trips down alleys!

Think globally. Act locally.

"No matter the weather or what's on my plate, I'm here at five. That's discipline."

"I'm sorry your team lost - perhaps you should have rooted for the other team."

Football addict

Replica Football Merchandise

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

'We're still crazy then ...'

Ball and Chain

"I'm so grateful to play for this fantastic club....a childhood dream come true!"

Right Here

'Don't look at me like that! I know it's a banned substance, OK? But how can I compete if I'm the only one in the league not using spinach?!'

"At least you get to wake up from your nightmares."

"I wonder why the kids named me Mourinho? I hope it's not because I'll only last a few days..."

'What do you mean foul? I had a shower this morning!'

"Honey, we can order the new car! Here comes our best customer again!"

Pop's store's wanted ad: MOM.

"Local shopping, local eating, and...I married the girl next door."

"We find shopping at the farmers' market to be more self-congratulatory."

Frank's Butcher Shop. Ernie's Bakery. Starbux Coffee. It hasn't been the same since the candlestick maker went out of business.

One cappuccino please, and I wanted to give you this. A note. How formal. Dear small local independent coffee house ... I went to Starbucks this morning. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me? What if I agree to purge what I ate? The written apology is sufficient.

With Friends Like These

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