Lovingly Bureaucratic Pillows

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

"Ticket and passport, please."

Wolf Reintroduction.

MI5 Press Office

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

"Remember, report itemized deductions on Schedule A on your federal form 1040."

'We're downsizing the Pentagon into a triangle.'

Department of Sanitation: In Bin and Out Bin.

Auditor General.

"Now, there are just a few more forms for you to sign, and then we're done!"

'I'll need four character references.'

Police officer giving ticket to paramedics.

'You like it? I'm getting a government grant for Phase 2.'

Man at desk in 'Space research'. His in and out boxes are labelled 'inner' and 'outer'.

Federal Department of Disproportionate Force.

'Do you want to see the folks from Prague all at once?' - 'No - separate Czechs, please.'

"The war's been cancelled. It would raise insurance rates."

'Teaching, reading, writing, and arithmetic sounds like a good idea. Let me run it by an educational focus group.'

"Your signature, Your Majesty, as well as your driver's license and a major credit card."

'The board voted 8-2 to wish you a speedy recovery.'

Frankenstein "Damn it! Not another ethic origin questionaire"

Hearts oh his countrymen: G. Washington...FIRST...ETC

"I'm sorry, but we want a recent photo showing your neck in full."

'If you'd like to instil fear into people, then this is the job for you.'

'Hello, is that the government? Yes, I was just wondering... is the lambada still forbidden?'

'The outskirts of Washington D.C.'

'Your Congressman is a very good friend of yours? Excellent! -- We'll audit him, too!'

"To have that notarized you'll need two credible witnesses."

"Blofeld's trying to take over the world again, Bond --- but the PM told me not to worry about it."

'My insurance card? Sure, there you go.'

FBI, 'Things are slow, Bensonhurst -- let's investigate the CIA.'

Department of Organised Crime

"No, no - first you fill out the customer evaluation form, and THEN we'll do the audit."