Loves Legal Humor Pillows

'After living together for ten years, we now realize that the only thing we have in common, is common law.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Judge Mental.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,