Loves A Good Narrative Mugs

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Well, now we know why Dracula's been getting all the girls lately.'

Three little pigs-mortgage.

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

'Mummy, the review of this book was more interesting.'

1688: Pirate Dentistry - "Say ARR!"

Toni Morrison

"Tell us again — a little less graphic."

Guy on island sees giant ship in bottle.

'Heathcliff! Oh, Heathcliff!'

"Well, if you don’t want to discuss exposure, drowning or sharks, what do you want to talk about?"

Fresh Blood In Politics

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

"If you ask me, you can't go wrong with this beautiful bouquet of marijuana."

"I love my unreliable narrator. You?"

Solemn reference is made to Mr. Bunsby

'Take no notice, he was raided by wolves.'

Great literary festival heckles.

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"Your life's story lacks a protagonist."

Unreliable Narrator

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Mysterious appearance of the gentleman in small clothes

News Celeb Divorce: Long-suffering wife tells us of abusive husband, In tomorrow's news - dignified husband tells us of vile grabbing wife.

For several minutes, Norma's body is possessed by the spirit of her dead washing machine,

'Yes! After eight months hard graft it's finished, now onto Chapter Two...'

'Well, you sure got your message across to the people THAT time.'

"The key to a good story is to give the protagonist lots of challenges."

"Relax. You're a famous author - no one expects you to talk about anything other than yourself."

'Spinach: The Prequel'

"Have you considered writing this story in the third monkey rather than the first monkey?"