Loves A Good Insurance Pun Pillows

'In sickness and in health? I'll need to run that by my HMO...'

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

'The frog is deceased, Mr. Graham. You don't need malpractice insurance.'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

You're fine, but we'd like to run some tests on your insurance card.

'Must have had bad weather at the Artist's Colony. All the claims start with 'It was a dark and stormy night.''

Captain Eddie's New Boat: 'First of all, Eddie, most people don't usually lose theah boats...'

'Your policy doesn't cover you against huffing and puffing.'

'We may have to postpone medically probing you until we can confirm you have insurance to pay for it.'

"I really do think I could be an anarchist, but my insurance won't cover that."

'Of course, one advantage to lethal injection is that Medicaid might pay for it.'

"It says our homeowners insurance policy is subject to the following forms and endorsements..."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

'I'm sorry, but your husband's life insurance policy only covered his eighth life.'

"I have eternal life? Does that mean I can cancel my life insurance policy?"

"Have you noticed, our insurance policy has expired?"

"You're doing fine, and we're cautiously optimistic about your insurance."

Insurance agents in Heaven.

'I'm sorry, but when you took out the policy, you never specified that it was a mobile home.'

'Don't worry. This will hurt your insurance company more than it will hurt you.'

'There's good news and there's bad news. The bad news is that you're very ill, and the bad news is that your medical insurance has expired... Oh I'm sorry, did I say there was good news?'

Yeah, your rates are very good, but your ads on TV just aren't funny enough

Larry knew how to close a sale.

'The health plan will cover you and up to three dwarves.'

'I'm afraid your late wife's life insurance policy didn't cover culinary disasters.'

'Do you drive a car, van or motorcycle?'

"You've got something very rare. Good health insurance."

"Of course, this policy will exclude flood damage."

"And that plan covers Acts of God, right?"

Nurse. It's from your insurance company -- A "Get well-final notice" card.

Your medical insurance ran out? Like it was being chased by a grizzly bear.

'We covered, officer. We're just having a hard time finding our insurance card.'

'Your insurance only covers a semi-private room.'

"There is a cat in this basket and I want to take out baggage insurance that will insure that it gets forwarded to some godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere!"