Lovers Of Medical Tales Pillows

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

It was only Monday...but Dr Davies knew that it was going to be a long...long week...

Early Blood Draw

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"You have natural causes.''

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

'It appears you've arrived here because of some medical gobbledygook, so, to put it simply, you can now go home.'

"Don't worry about a thing, I learned to do this in prison."

"Whoever she is...she's one hell of an egg donor."

'In this practice we like to have the best of the old with the best of the new.'

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

"How come we don't start plagues any more? Are we one of those boring couples?"

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

With a hindsight exam result of 20/40, Harold hoped the new monocle would be less irritating than the last one.

'I hate it when we operate on malpractice lawyers.'

"I believe I told you quite clearly not to let his stitches get wet."

Man with a wooden leg asking to be measured for a pair of boots

'Boy, am I getting hungry!'

"I'm afraid your husband didn't make it, but we did manage to save his leg."

"Do you have any fresh medical mumbo jumbo?"

'Leeches, We're trying more traditional methods.'

The Aestetico-Neuralgicon- An Aid to Delivery of Inhaled Medicines

CITY HOSPITAL, 'It's all right, officer -- I'm an outpatient.'

Doctor tells sick patient: 'The good part, if you're looking to impress, is that it's not a disease, it's a syndrome.'

Have I told you about my operation?

What to do till medicine is discovered....

'Okay, nanobots, our primary mission is to clean out this guy's arteries. But while we're here I can't see any harm in also building him a nice pair of man-breasts...'

'It's a furball.'

"You don't look like the sort of person to get diabetes..."

Nurse to other about patient: 'We're all pulling for a speedy recovery.'