Lover Of Numbers Pillows

When mathematicians turn bad.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

The Life of Pi

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Six out of ten statisticians prefer to be in the majority."

Gloat

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Staff Yearbook

Math Teacher

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

But under a different accounting convention ...

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

1. 0. 5. 6. He'd be nothing without her. (Published originally on June 11, 2008.)

Warning: Math Ahead!

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"