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Child Catches Santa

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Filming Christmas

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

"Due to budget cuts, I will be your Ghost of Christmas Past, Present and Future."

"He is stingy. If he is giving gold it's only because prices have hit rock-bottom..."

Antique shop owner looks at old chalice, saying: 'Well, it MIGHT be worth something if it had the original myrrh inside.'

Toy skier jumps from snow globe to miniature winter scene.

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

T'was the night before the night before Christmas.

"Peace on earth. Goodwill to all men and who ordered the triple cheese with extra pepperoni?"

"I told you not to ask every b****r we met on the cruise to visit us when we got home!"

"Like they say. . . the shadow knows!"

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

Slay Ride.

"We didn't see anything so special about the light in Greece. We have the same light in Tuckahoe."

"Thank you for the best Christmas ever. - Gracie"

'It's not a stable, it's a pop-up hotel'

If This Vehicle Is Being Operated In A Dangerous Or Reckless Manner Please Call.....

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

"I am as light as a feather, I am as happy as an angel, I am as merry as a school-boy." "Our only hope."

"Hey boy! Hey! Hey! Hey! Are those earbuds? Hey!!"

'You've got a cheek asking me if I've been naughty. I saw you kissing my mum under the mistletoe last year!'

'...Santa delivers to Yorkshire first...everybody else has to wait because they're not as good.'

'The Prisoners' Aid Society's Lucky Dip seems to be a ,er-runaway success, Sir!!'

Santa's Little Enablers

Memories that still sear

'I don't know whether the shepherds had infrared imaging equipment or not. I just know they were watching their flocks by night.'

'Have I told you about my experience in Korea?'

'Are you nuts? -- Santa's secret identity is MY dad!'