Lover Of Digital Humor Pillows

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"He's just discovered that out 450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in Swindon using his mums computer."

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"OMG, LOL!"

Barcode Dreams

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'My dog ate my computer.'

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Standard Life Aberdeen Rebrand

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

The Smartass Phone

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

Bill was so determined to Twitter no one dared tell him he couldn't do it with a calculator.

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'Look dear, he's burning his first illegal download to rewritable dvd'

'for more obit info, go to...'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

The Escape Key

Terms and conditions

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

"Does 14 followers on Twitter count as 'leadership experience'?"

"The x-rays came back, and — I'm sorry, but we found a very large attachment."

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'Do you mind if I share your post on my wall?'

Goodnight Social Media.

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"An excellent interview Mr Twinglestop, now is there anything you'd like to ask me. . . Apart from home to switch off your 'cat filter'?"

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."