Love Conundrum Solver Pillows

"I'm attracted to his 'come to bed eyes', but I'm put off by his 'go to the cake shop body'."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

Company Ink.

Communication Breakdowns

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"You complete me, Barbara."

"We don't see ourselves as either a David or a Goliath. We're content to just be the company that manufactures the sling shots."

Our Computer is Up/Down.

"So this is me."

Damned if you do...

"Why don’t you just go back to writing your memoirs and forget about the whole graphic-novel thing?"

'Ye gods, Will - art thou still monkeying about with that Ooh-ooh language?'

'I wonder if this needle will do....'

'Some things are better left unsaid but I never know what they are until after I've said them.'

"You'd better come up with something that will sell - or else. I hope that was helpful."

Three-eyed man beats three card monte game.

What's your problem? I love my wife... And I hate my mistress.

"No one else, huh! So who the hell is sending you a pigeon at four in the morning?!"

"Your wife probably doesn't understand you because you always sound muffled."

"I didn't say WE were going on a double date. I said I was going on a double date."

"We can't let the king die, but we also can't do anything that suggests he needs saving..."

'You have 17 new conflicting messages...'

Hard of Hearing Institute.

'Would it kill him to be on the bottom for once?'

"If you just follow Sadie, she'll show you the way out."

Unhappy businessman as he watches his sales go crashing down on his chart

Smart phone Problems

"He's a Hypochondriac !"

'Don't you guys ever read? That contract is void in case of male pattern baldness!'

"In a world of 'from's' and 'to's', I always seem to be a 'cc'."

'I thought that there had been 2 world wars, but this says 11.'