Losing Weight Pillows

'Do you think these jeans make me look fat? Be honest!'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'Now that I've lost weight, I can't afford new clothes in my size.'

On the back of the t-shirt...

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Secretive Weigh In.

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

To do before Saturday...

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

The new diet not working out too good, huh, Frank?

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

"I really didn't have a weight problem until they invented skinny jeans."

'Don't worry about a few pounds up or down. Our main concern is always your bottom line.'

Excess Baggage: Some folks believe that calories consumed during vacation do not count against your diet.

'Yes I do notice an improvement. Your chins don't juggle anymore.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

"You need to do less talking the talk and more walking the walk."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"