Long-term Partner Pillows

"Know what I think?"

'This is my wife of 42 years...uh...' 'Lisa.'

Tunnel of Love exit.

We've been together for 12 years now. I think it's time we thought seriously about composting.'

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

'We can't keep up with technology because we don't like change. That's one reason we've been married for 25 years.'

"We've missed 'The Fantasticks.'"

"Forty years ago on this very seat I proposed to you. Made up your mind yet?"

Nature corner

"Forty-one years of marriage. That's a long, long learning curve."

"It's your tallyman. He's tallied your bananas."

"You haven't found it in 32 years...What makes you think a satnav will help?"

Old man - 'Who are you?' Glamorous lady - 'Your wife for 57 years back from plastic surgery!'

"I like you a whole lot better when you was alive."

"Must you bring that up every time we have an argument?"

"If I'd poisoned you thirty years ago I'd be out on parole today."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"We've been a tired, married couple for so long we finish each...other's...zzzzzz..."

"I've had six really happy years out of the forty we've been married."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Thirty years together and now you tell me you're Canadian?"

"We've been married for forty years. Haven't you had enough sex yet?"

'Here's to thirty years for paying the piper for love at first sight.'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"You have a nice range of Golden Wedding Anniversary cards, but I'm looking for more Old 'un than Golden."

"Stop that filthy smiling."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"That's not how you wear a face mask! You'll risk not seeing me at all!"

"Don't say I never take you anywhere."

"Maybe our sex life isn't what it used to be. . . on the other hand, how many people can name every guest host of the tonight show?"

"Renew our vows! What. . . all of them?!"

Reading the sports pages.

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

"What about me? Am I not a natural disaster?"