Local Network Enthusiast Gifts

'I don't care what long distance carrier we have, mister. I don't know anyone past Oak Street.'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Likes: $2.

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

WiFi Signals

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

Man doing a search on a computer

'An encyclopedia? I don't know. Let's look up what it is on Wikipedia.'

"That? It's where I keep all my passwords."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

'Do you have 4G up here?'

"The Internet ate my baby!"

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

'How do I get people to visit my...'

"I may have been the runt of the litter, but online I'm the alpha dog."

And elevator with 'up', 'down', and 'pitches' buttons

Primordial Schmooze

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"Home is where the WiFi is."

'You can social network me behind my ears if you like.'

Ian Hislop

Flake News

The Quack Quack Diaries: The Decline And Fall Of Wolfman Quack

I e-bay t-shirt.

>Enter new password: BEEF STEW >Password not stroganoff.