Living With Roommates Mugs

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Magicians make terrible roommates. 'Did you clean or just make everything disappear?' 'Where's my keys?!' 'You know I have an early class!'

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

Biofelineism

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

My belief is if you're old enough to take texts, counter-texts, and meta-texts in Western Philosophy, you should be old enough to drink.

"Honey, I don't want to hide anything from you. I collect pictures of cats in my spare time."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Are we broke yet?'

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

'Who gets the decaf?'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

"Much ado list"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

I hate monday mornings.

"Who ordered a pizza?"

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'