Live Music Lamenter Pillows

Sir Paul McCartney warns UK Culture Secretary of live music s bleak future

Glastonbury. After.

Zombie standup

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Anna Calvi

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"This next one's another oldie."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

At the rock concert...

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

Theatre Crowd

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

Chano Pozo,

Eric Clapton.

"Free Bird!"

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Occupational Hazards.

Plum jam...

Steve Howe.

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

Ginger Baker.

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'That was Charlie Parker's 'Ornithology.' I threw in a flat nine in bar 16 and a tritone substitution in bar 22. Who noticed that? Hands up if you noticed!'