Live Events Prints

At the rock concert...

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

Roadie Rage

"All the atmosphere of 'Henman Hill', but without the travel costs!"

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

'He's gone into Olympic update overload!'

Ticket Agencies...

"I miss the smell of beer and sweat in over-packed arenas."

"Well, looks like people filming at gigs got too much for Kenneth."

Glastonbury. After.

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Zombie standup

Pete Townshend Vineyards

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Woke up this morning, someone had nicked my guitar..."

Famous Jewish Blues Singer Series.

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Can you speak up: there's a bloody racket going on in the background."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Theatre Crowd

Applause

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

"Free Bird!"

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."

"Thank you! That last tune took some fancy fingerpickin'. Apologies to those in the front who may have gotten a press - on nail or two in their drink."

Plum jam...

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Occupational Hazards.

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'