Little League Skeptic T-Shirts

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'We studied the multiplication table in school today -- frankly, I don't believe a word of it.'

"We won again, and guess what? A Russian oligarch wants to buy us!"

"It's her first bench-clearing brawl."

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

End of football season - UK

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"OK...this season, I'm not taking any fooling around...we must have discipline! We must know the rules! We must respect the other team! But mostly...no yelling at the kids, or the coach!"

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"By the time I develop a true understanding of sand, I'll probably be forced into some sort of organized sports."

Sportsmanship

"I don't really believe in the tooth fairy anymore, but if it pays, I play!"

'A good, but not a grand slam!'

"It's simple, really. You're a team member when you want something. You're an employee when I want something."

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

'She's a good coach, and the kids seem to like her. But I still think someone should at least run a background check.'

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

'Big deal. I could win every race too, if I used performance-enhancing sugar.'

"I hate golf. There's something unnatural about a game where the lowest score wins."

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

"What kind of idiot gets suckered into something like that?"

'Amazing! You're the first patient I've ever met who gets blisters on his feet and pain in his back just by thinking of sport!'

"Now isn’t this better than that silly Super Bowl game?"

'I'm using my eyes, how are you looking at it?'

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'I can't decide which I'm least excited about...the royal wedding or the Olympics.'

Football League - Concussions R Us.

Lonely Trump Rally in Tulsa