Literary Club Goer Gifts

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

The Dorrie Decimal System

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Blue Stockings

'He likes to power nap.'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

John Bunyan

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

Don Quixote

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

"Oh, this old thing?"

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

Sue the Author 3PM

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

A Footnote - Self Portrait of Beardsley, Bound to the God of Nature

It was the best of times, it was the wasrtn blanfil trmsl... It was the bnarfy foodel pook. Arghh! Darn reader's block.

What would Charlotte Bronte do, she thought to herself.

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."