Literary Bargain Hunters Pillows

"The Catholic Bible's a better deal. You get 7 more books for the same price."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Max! Oh, my God! There's like a billion moving ideas in there!"

Coming Soon! More Stuff You Could Live Without!

A Quiet Rebuke.

'That'll be four thousand and eighty pounds please'

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

Fred and Nancy believed that their mutual love of a good sale would be enough to overcome 'the species issue'... but they were wrong.

Customer Convention

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

'Please, Dad? Can we? Can we? Pleeeease?'

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

How much would you take off for cash?

Book Deal

"I'm still looking, sir?"

'How do I qualify for the 'Preferred Customer Discount' you're advertising?' 'Do you have a pulse?'

'I'd like to see this dress in a smaller price please.'

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

Autos. You can drive a hard bargain, but you may find a bargain is hard to drive.

'You're my 100,000th conviction... so, I'm going to take 25 off your sentence.'

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

Bookstore-Cafe: Used Book/Day-Old Croissants

Clothes sale - everything must go!

Black Friday

'They've agreed to our 3-book, 7-figure offer, but only if you remain obscene and obnoxious through book 2.'

New From The People Who Brought You I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Petroleum-By-Product Sandwich Spread

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

'They've got a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!'

Sale today - 50% off everything!

"They're willing to throw in their kidneys."

'You realize, of course, there's nothing wrong with me. . . I'm only here 'cause of your 50%-off-first-visit coupon and I am not a serial bargain shopaholic.'

"She used to shop until she dropped, but with online shopping, we lost that protection."