Literal Humorist Mugs

"You're going to hate yourself."

"You're history, Leonard."

"Shall I rush right out and blow some goblets?"

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Torturing the English Language

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Gee, thanks pal."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

The Forbidden Joyce Kilmer

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

The devil you know and his plus one

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"...You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here... You talking to me?!" "Narcissus De Niro"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '