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No Presents Until Christmas Day

"Meet The Author"

First Novels.

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

The Dorrie Decimal System

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'He likes to power nap.'

"Now I really hate poetry."

Blue Stockings

Voltaire

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"I give up. Where's the power button?"

John Bunyan

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

Cat rolls up yarn like power cord.

Don Quixote

"Not that I have the time, but I enjoy reading."

"Oh, this old thing?"

"I don't care if it is itty-bitty. Turn it off!"

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Whoooa,MAN,check out this STORM! It's PELTING down!'

"The low-res JPEG of Dorian Gray"

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

Sue the Author 3PM