Liquid Investor Pillows

"My 401(k) is safe. It's tied up in booze futures."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

"I invested in Chinese stocks just because of my ironic sense of humor - if it goes wrong, I can't even afford a bowl of Chop Suey!"

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

"I'm addicted to water."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

'I'm worried that I might have slept through my 'fifteen minutes of fame'.'

"Lemonade" "Vodka"

"I recommend that you dump the tech stocks and go into acorns."

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

'A penny saved is a penny not stimulating the economy.'

'I'm beginning to worry -- everything I've got is tied up in investment newsletters!'

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

Investor loses shirt in Eurozone meltdown.

Company Shares - I wouldn't fancy buying any in a company I work for.

'This year's stock market compared to last year's? Well, that is a bit before my time.'

'Invented a new cocktail.' '

'A quick one, Tommy. I'm running on empty.'

'What have you got in the way of a Cabernet Sauvignon for people who like Zinfandel when they can't find Merlot?'

Bartenders making cocktails

'Ooh, this is an old one. I'll bet it's worth its weight in oil.'

Impulse Investors Welcomed.

'When I told him we had no wine, he just kept going.'

'Without you as a friend, I'd be a hopeless drunk by now'

Investing in a funny market