Liquid Investor Pillows

"My 401(k) is safe. It's tied up in booze futures."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single malt."

Symbols of Wall St: bull, bear, Humpty Dumpty.

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

"I invested in Chinese stocks just because of my ironic sense of humor - if it goes wrong, I can't even afford a bowl of Chop Suey!"

'I don't believe in hoarding cash and gold Dad: I invest in shares online...'

Maybe it's time to stop giving our bones to a broker and start burying them in the backyard again.

"I'm addicted to water."

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'The action next week is going to be in bird seed, but if you quote me, I'll deny I said it.'

'He runs a very successful hedge fund.'

"I recommend that you dump the tech stocks and go into acorns."

"Lemonade" "Vodka"

'Water is a valuable good and we should use it sparingly. That's why I'd like my Scotch straight.'

'I'm worried that I might have slept through my 'fifteen minutes of fame'.'

'A penny saved is a penny not stimulating the economy.'

'I'm beginning to worry -- everything I've got is tied up in investment newsletters!'

"This is Thurgood. He specializes in beaten-down stocks."

Investor loses shirt in Eurozone meltdown.

Company Shares - I wouldn't fancy buying any in a company I work for.

'This year's stock market compared to last year's? Well, that is a bit before my time.'

'A quick one, Tommy. I'm running on empty.'

'What have you got in the way of a Cabernet Sauvignon for people who like Zinfandel when they can't find Merlot?'

'Invented a new cocktail.' '

Bartenders making cocktails

'Ooh, this is an old one. I'll bet it's worth its weight in oil.'

Impulse Investors Welcomed.

Investing in a funny market

'We never sell a wine before it's time. We're still waiting for our first big sale.'