Liquid Gourmet Pillows

"I'm just having fruit for dinner. Well, mostly grapes. OK, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Soup of the month.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Too much cilantro

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"An everything Martini, please."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

To do before Saturday...

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

The Main Types of Cheese

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Holiday Supplies

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

'Cooking'

Fly Tastings: 'Notice that hint of dog fur and then let that full bodied garbage finish unfold.'

"The bagels are better in New York."