Linguistic Rebel Prints

"How many times must I tell you not to speak metaphorically?"

'I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this.'

The Swear Police.

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

Why we need poetry. . .

"No, I really thought each sentence ended with an emoji!"

'Rehab centre' "I'm addicted to Irvine Welsh"

Garlic Free Zone.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

Chocs away.

"Valet park only"

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

Reading: Phonics. Using phonics, you learn to read by the sounds of letters. Any questions? Yes. Why does "phonics" begin with "p-h" and not with "f"?

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

A Semicolon.

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

Apostrophe. . . Apostropher

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'

"For today's lesson, you're going to teach me about pronouns."

"If you prick a corporation, does it not bleed? If you tickle it, does it not laugh? If you poison it, does it not die?"

'Mom, I followed your time-honored legendary family recipe for Brussels Spout Bake with one exception - I substituted a pizza for the Brussels Sprouts.'

"Hmmm... there's something not right here..."

"What does 'inexplicable' mean..?"

Bertrand Russell

Punkcakes

David Cameron and Europe

Ministry of Soundbites: "Actually minister, it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you include a combination of the words 'choice','empowerment' and 'customer focussed'."

"It's just force of habit. When I say 'cavemen' I of course mean 'cavepersons'."