Lincoln Aficionado Pillows

Lincoln's last heir, like many descendants of great men, wasn't above cashing in on his great-grandfather's fame.

Abraham Lincoln

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

The Gettysburg Address in process.

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

A trevor of trainspotters

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

Tom Hanks

Swells - Men's Fashion

"Just the slippers is fine!"

'...but there MUST have been something about a rail go-slow on 'News at Ten'?'

'Egad! It's the ghosts of sanity past!'

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

Trainset

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

"Reports now confirm that Abraham Lincoln has stopped turning over in his grave and is angrily burrowing his way to the White House."

Man takes sandwiches left beneath a 'please take one' sign

'How about that? -- Lady Godiva got a bouffant!'

Arnold Schwarzenegger going to a party as Bach.

"Nothing like the History Channel to get you to appreciate these peaceful times we're enjoying."

S**t Creek Halt

Shirley MacLaine caricature

"And here - take this Vin Diesel monologue with you!"

'Sometimes I think we shoot too much film and too few actors - give me your gun!'

Scrip Doctor

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"