Lighthearted Sage T-Shirts

"Behold the secret to happiness."

British savings accounts

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Lady of the bath...

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

The Paper Route

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

Voltaire

'You say it's a dramedy? We thought it was more of a coma.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

Justice

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

Three Witches from Macbeth

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

"Less roman, more clef."

The 11th Commandment

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

Bishop with a crozier case.