Lifestyle Management Pillows

"Gracie, retirement assumes you want to end what you're doing. I've spent my whole life getting to this place. I have no plans to retire. Unless you get rich and can pay for everything I love doing."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"I didn't spark joy."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

Cat in a flap

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Trust

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"Death coach..."

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

Macho Vegetarian

'You see, you don't really need a cigarette to wake up in the morning.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Does it spark joy?

Obese beer drinkers.

"I enjoy eating healthy – I just don’t like the food."

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."