Life Support Satire Prints

"He's on life support. Mostly support."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"How the hell is that supposed to feed us?"

'Nurse, I said x-ray, not microwave.'

"I feel your pain level."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mr.Hooper, I've just got the report on your finances.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Heimlich maneuver, Gastric bypass surgery, Liver transplant.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'Don't worry. We still have a few more treatment options available.'

"Your test results are perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. We will operate on you for it tomorrow."

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"I am not the famous heart surgeon, but I am in his medical group."

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'If you begin to feel unwell, start or stop taking aspirin...'

New from Lockdown Press

Eye, ear, nose, throat and loans to pay the bills.

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

The NHS begins using outside contractors for routine operations.

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"I'm afraid you have a slow, painful, terminal disease, so I'm sending you to a hospital where you can catch a quicker one."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

Way too General Practitioner