Life Milestone Observer T-Shirts

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

'Long shift?'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Life and Death

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

'She said her first words today.'

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

A very fine vintage

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"I need a more interactive you."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Maternity Hospital

"If I'm going to be ten tomorrow, does that make me a 'ten' ager?"

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

Mice 25¢

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

Medical school graduation gowns.

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

Executive dog has framed his first bone.