Licensed Practical Nurse Gifts

"I blame the nurses."

"I came up through the ranks."

'C'mon get it straight.'

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

'Home Schooling'

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

'Wilbur took really, really good care of his car.'

A wiser and a better man

'Who's ready for laughter-- the best medicine?!!!'

"You must learn to let go."

"You did order the chemical-free insecticide."

Fenton always makes a backup hard copy of his mental notes.

"Well, how can I help cure your severe hypochondria if you keep cancelling appointments due to illness?"

Exploring Healthcare Careers

"Remedial Karate"

"Welcome to the staff! The compensation is generous and they have good benefits. They're cutting out our paid Bahamas cruise though, because too many employees never came back."

Snooker.

'Your 2 o'clock has cancelled, he says you depress him!'

I'm afraid we had to cancel the 'perfect planning' seminar. we forgot to book the hotel until it was to late and the speaker we'd hoped to use died in 1958

'When does it hurt?'

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

Mowing His Hairy back.

"My chronic condition has been pestering me every single day for the past six months. I'm a lifelong quitter so its persistence is troubling me."

'Now a romantic gift is a new robe and slippers.'

'Sorry to interrupt - your monastery is on fire...the IRS wants to talk to you - and something about a missing case of wine.'

Sale: His and Her's weekender bags.

Blondie/Debbie Harry (caricature)

"The doctor's nurse's nurse practitioner will see you now."

'What training do I get?'

'The Doctor just finished his rounds. I better go soothe the patient's psyches.'

'As a graduation present my parents ae going to remodel their basement for my home.'

Split personality patient with two appointments