Liability Manager Pillows

'Someday, all of this liability exposure will be yours!'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"Genius is 1% inspiration, 99% budget allocation."

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

U.S. Credit Rating

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"What comes after zillion?"

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'We're an international company, Mr. Zickenbarth. We've got creditors in more than 200 different countries!'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

City Finance Dept: My Way/The Highway

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

'The boss said to get rid of all the pirated software before he returns, which will be in about five to ten years.'

We've already got one. A hidden microphone in the staff coffee area.

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

Project Manager Showdown

"Making us more mobile friendly didn't mean letting the general public use our car park, Smithers."

'We want people to see the human side of IT.'

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

'He knows where the viruses are buried.'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'It just doesn't get any beta than this.'

"Perhaps you're right. Maybe we should upgrade our computer system."

Businessman has in/out boxes labeled 'OPS' and APPS.'

"What do you mean 'upgrade' the server? The old one works just fine."

'So he eats the odd secretary now and then. He's our top actuary and I intend to make him a partner.'

"We lose more productivity to viral internet memes than we do to actual viruses."

'I told him over and over again never to press 'delete' more than twice!'