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"I don't understand it. We're not attracting customers."

The De-evolution of Man due to Contact Lenses.

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

'No, I'm sorry, Danny. I'm afraid your dad won't be able to shoot laser beams from his eyes after surgery.'

A boy with a camera

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

'Pretend you don't notice him.'

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

A series of cameras go through a war zone.

"Actually, I work for a newspaper, but people won't talk to me without it."

Two reporters interview each other.

Astronomers studying the 26 moons of Uranus...

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

"I only came in to get my eyes done."

The optician's arrival ended Phil's short sightedness and his 15 year island exile.

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

'Nobody move. I just dropped a contact lens.'

"If you can't see the sea I can recommend an optician in the High Street."

The director said 'cut'!

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

Videographer. Zoom in. Zoom out.

Planting bulbs - planting light bulbs.

"The side lenses will help you maintain visual acuity when looking askance."

'I think we're out of focus.'

"It took all day, but we finally got there."

Bored kid fighting off an alien attack.

Dr. BR Smith Optician.

'WOW, this is a GREAT Telephoto Lens, Joe! That Grizzly bear WAY down there looks like it's Right up here in FRONT of my face!'

Surgical equipment burning a hole through the table.

"P.A.Y.F.O.R.Y.O.U.R.G.L.A.S.S.E.S."

'Spread your wings now.' 'Bugger off, you weirdo.'

Contacts vs. Glasses