Legal Lingo Enthusiasts Pillows

'When the judge gave me a suspended sentence, I thought he meant...'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'And your class story is an old, old one. In the middle of successful soul-snatching careers you were suddenly bitten by the lawyering bug...'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

'Hello. My father is an attorney. This is how I allegedly spent my summer vacation.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'Court is recessed until the big hand is on the three.'

Counsel examining witness

'So I said 'You must be frackin' joking!''

"Right so that's agreed, we can say 'Happy Festive Season' as long as we add the caveat that we are in no way liable for any lack of 'happiness' or a surfeit of 'misery'!"

'You have the right to remain silent and to the counsel of a motivational speaker.'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty by reason of multiculturalism.'

Trump Indicted

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

'The trouble with this country is that it is impossible to be completely legal.'

'What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off you when you're dead.'

"Truth, whole truth, nothing but the truth? I'm not ready for that much of a commitment."

'I need to see your restraining order.'

'Whoops! Get my lawyer on the phone!'