Legal Fashion Guru T-Shirts

'Call me an idealist, but I believe this trial should be about more than mere testimony, evidence and legal mumbo jumbo. It should also be about which lawyer has the best three-piece suit.'

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

"Wow, your mane looks fantastic! New conditioner?"

"My scoop-back tank comes in Mango, Morning Glory, and Scallion. Don's Maori surfers are available in Iris, Mustard, and Prawn."

THE LANGUAGE OF PROM DRESSES

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

"That's... yikes. I mean... what's even going on down there? Honey, I don't think a push-up bra is very flattering on you."

"Did you see that trimmed-up earlier than thou look on her face, just then?"

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'No no no - that skirt is soooo half past four...'

"Baby, with your money and my money, we could really buy places."

"With this suit, I hereby establish dominion over my male identity."

'Does this outfit make me look fat?'

'Dude, you like, need to get your wallet chain in check!'

Robert Johnson

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

'It has a zip-out lining in case of a mild winter.'

"Which free tote goes best?"

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"

On the Hanger

'Run it by legal and then a couple of talk-show hosts.'

Haute C. E. O., Business Couture - Lean In.

"I just adore these shoes! The clicking of staccato heels is so empowering. . . Do these come in a flat?"

"It started with cargo shorts and then he got carried away."

'Finally. Her lipstick is just right.'

Established Clothing Stores

Stop now and get some new ideas.

"It looked cute when I saw it on someone pretty."

"Oh and, incidentally, Whit, I'm afraid there's room for only one haircut like this around here."

SAGE (unknown model)

"Lose the goatee."