Legal Expert Pillows

'Well, I've never called an expert witness on expert witnesses before...'

I.D. Cards Protest Group - Database of members: Name, Age, Address, Income, Occupation, Marital status...

"What good is it to be known as the hanging judge when the state now executes by injection?"

'You know your team of expert lawyers? -- they defected.'

A patient bill of rights doesn't scare me.

'You can read, right? -- I want you to check this thing for loopholes.'

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"Or perhaps we could just have them wear these 'M-for-Muslim' patches...."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

What did you know?/When did you know it?

Trial by Media

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

Barristers

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."