Legal Expenses Pillows

'I hear your fees are very reasonable.'

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"Bailiff."

Planet of the Lawyers

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'What'll it be?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Do you Duane, paternity suit notwithstanding, take Diane...'

'The Human Right Act bans ANY cruel or unusual treatment...we may need to rewrite our ENTIRE customer care policy!'

"They're class action figures."

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

Does "worldly goods" include intellectual property?

"Jughead, Reggie, Betty, and Veronica—they've all been locked up. But you, Archie—I had higher hopes for you."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

Justice

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."

'I don't think you can claim for this as a substitute car ...'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'