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Witness testimony...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

JET (Part I)

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"I charge by the grain."