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Witness testimony...

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

JET (Part I)

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"I charge by the grain."

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."