Legal Dramedy Mugs

Cat accused of eating fish

Judge with gavel, stupid attorney says: Okay, I'll bite, who's there?

'What odds will you give me, that my case gets thrown out of court?'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Another slander suit!"

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"You don't have to answer that."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"