Legal Drama Appreciator Pillows

'Robbery, rape and murder? Chop off his hand and then his penis and then his head.'

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Another slander suit!"

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

"You don't have to answer that."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- You lifted that alibi from a September, 1958 episode of 'Perry Mason!'

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister