Lazy Chef T-Shirts

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

Recipes from The I-Seriously-Don't-Care Cookbook.

LAY ZEE FUK

"Fridge-to-table"

'..or do you think we should go with this one?'

Edible plates save on washing-up.

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

"Baldo, tell me when my soup boils over."

"No, there isn't much of a plot. There never is in a microwave."

Soup of the month.

'Does this thing get channel four.'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

How lazy people decide what to eat

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

"More helium."

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

'I made a substitute in the recipe. Take-out.'

'It took months of training but now she'd rather sip a martini than fetch a ball.'

"Doc, I think I'm suffering from insomnia...every ten minutes the boss bursts into my office and wakes me up!"

Do it yourself - Get someone else to do it

'OK, my dinner's in the oven. Where's the oven?'

"I just got home. Let me roost a bit."

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

'Not only do you get out of cooking tonight, but you found a place with a lazy chef too.'

"His wife's still visiting her mother, so it looks like it's left over pizza for us...again!"

It's just a self-cleaning oven, Ernie --- You can't do dishes in it.

"I dropped my phone. Would you mind skiing the 20 miles back up hill to find it? I would do it, but I'm out of shape and lazy."

"I'm not picky—whatever's wounded."

"You idiot! I spent all morning covering that with hairs!"

Recipes From The "I Really, REALLY Hate To Cook" Cookbook

Pre-digested convenience foods.

"Yes. That was great. . . but the real miracle is how my mom can feed us for over a week on Thanksgiving leftovers!"