Lawn Mower Fans Pillows

'Recently retired, Janet Moo-ray not only discovers the grass isn't greener on the other side...it requires a lot of mowing.'

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

Raptures

"What old school? This is my life."

'No, you can't play Space Invaders in it.'

Apparently all our farts damage the ozone layer....

Vulture proclaims its love for highways.

"It's a scientific breakthrough! This seed will produce less corn...thus driving up the price!"

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

"I'm thinking of changing my parting."

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

"Fancy crashing at my pad later, babe?"

Cow Pilot.

"One of your delicious ducks got into my yard yesterday."

St. Patrick Drives the Steaks out of Ireland

'Grown-ups sure make playing a lot of work.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

At the signing of William C.Lockland's latest best selling wheelbarrow.

The American Farmer: a vanishing breed.

'These were developed in the 1980s - they're a heritage genetically modified variety.'

"We were lucky to find an island with a water feature."

Combined Harvester

Septic Fields Forever.

"Ahh, if I'm not much mistaken. The sound of a Lawn Chief 420. Fitted with a 3.5 horse power, Briggs and Stratton engine. Electronic ignition, variable valve timing and a 55 litre grass box. Mmm don't you just love our Sunday mornings dear?"

Caddy With A Cool Box

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

The Wild Won: 'Hey Newtie, what are you rebelling against?'

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

'So if it goes to the right it's a slice, to the left it's a hook...and down the center.'

'Mate, you've just paid two grand for a T-shirt and a hand-mower.'