Law Drama Devotee Gifts

Acme Law Firm, All You can Litigate -- $5000.

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

"Not guilty?"

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

'Do you expect the jury to believe that? And, more importantly, do you expect the viewers of the eventual TV movie of this trial to believe it?'

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

'I haven't spent a day in jail since I got rid of my lawyer and hired a spinmeister.'

"Mr. Pope, please give this summons to your boss. The prosecutor wants to know how god can allow so much misery."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

Pre-Minstrel Tension

I always forget - Are we supposed to tip?

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"I'll never understand it. I followed the generally accepted principles of embezzling."

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Do your lawyers have to be here?'

Say what? Johnnie Cochran died in 2005?

'For ever 'no-no' there's a legal 'yes-yes'.'

"You don't have to answer that."

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

'He'll be really p****d if he doesn't get nominated for an award this year.'

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Esq.

Robert Macaire as a Barrister