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"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

One way only.

'He's got a point.'

'There's a policeman here who thinks I shouldn't be talking on the cellphone while driving.'

"For parking in a handicap space, I sentence you to 30 days in a wheelchair!'

"...And now show us what you said."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

Jesus Seals the Hick...

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

'Your honor, when considering sentencing please note that my client drove a hybrid car that gets 80 MPG.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

HEY!

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

IRS, 'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

"Hey Vincent, I got a certified letter today. Apparently the birds have reported us stalking them and have taken out a restraining order against us."

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

Shoot, he's got a restraining order!

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

There was certainly no arguing Defense Attorney Smith had a point.

for crying out loud officer its a wax mannequin