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"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

One way only.

'He's got a point.'

'There's a policeman here who thinks I shouldn't be talking on the cellphone while driving.'

"For parking in a handicap space, I sentence you to 30 days in a wheelchair!'

"...And now show us what you said."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

HEY!

'Your honor, when considering sentencing please note that my client drove a hybrid car that gets 80 MPG.'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

IRS, 'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

"Hey Vincent, I got a certified letter today. Apparently the birds have reported us stalking them and have taken out a restraining order against us."

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

There was certainly no arguing Defense Attorney Smith had a point.

'The Constitution guarantees you a speedy trial -- so hold on tight!'

Father Parrot: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

for crying out loud officer its a wax mannequin

'Trevor still can't get his head around the fact that Tim isn't Oxbridge.'

'Anymore smart remarks!'

'You've got yellow fever, so we're painting the room to match your body.'

An Innocent Offender.