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'I hear you lost your job as a caddie.'

'There's a shortage of nurses at the moment... but don't worry sonny, I''ve been doing this sort of thing in a vets practice for years...! !'

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

"Sorry for knocking on your door - I just wanted to know if you had a few minutes for me to scare you."

"You're not my husband."

Standup Pharmacist

'Isn't that a T-shirt cannon?'

'Dude, check it out!'

Supermarket canned laughter.

Smiling Cabinet

The shape of things to come

"Nice guy...but weird sense of humor."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

Zombie standup

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Easter Island legs

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Love at First Sight

"Cat box"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

The Fourth Little Pig

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'