Laughing In The Face Of Illness T-Shirts

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

Our super-heroes bravely battling a brutally blustery day!

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

The New Age Dentist.

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

Infant care worker is exhausted from sex injuries at hospital.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"It's cooties."

"I've lost my voice. Is it contagious?"

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

"See if our visitor is wearing a mask and listen for coughing while the door knob takes their temperature!"

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

Hospital patient using his thermometer on the remote control.

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'The inflamed hemorrhoid is here to see you, Doctor.'

"And if you'll kindly relax your spinchter I'll be happy to write a prescription for that inflamed prostate."

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

"People were confused by how we named the new variants so we're just calling this one the 'really scary new bastard'!"

"I'm afraid that your irritable bowel syndrome has progressed. You now have furious and vindictive bowel syndrome."

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'Did I touch a nerve?'

'Numb yet?'

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

New Graduate: Entering real life.

'Tell the doctor to take his time -- I'm feeling better already.'