Late Night Observer Pillows

"I never watched him at eleven-thirty-five and I didn't watch him at ten, and now, once again, I won't be watching him at eleven-thirty-five."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"The woman on the fire escape who acted like it was a balcony"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

Fear of news.

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

Domestic Spying Drones

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"He was much more effective in the field."

The world of surveillance.

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"One of your delicious ducks got into my yard yesterday."

Bat

You Know You're Old When...

"Your sister got another promotion."

"The neighbors' place is a pig sty! Why can't we have something like that?"

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"Please help! God struck me blind for not giving to a blind beggar."

Old Yarns

"I know there are people who look like their pets, but..."

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

Man Wrapped In Film

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

The Motherhood