Last-page Enthusiast Pillows

"Hang on, last page."

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Rare Books

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"

Reading

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

JET (Part I)

'OK, who moved the photocopier?'

Bibliomaniac

"Expedition log #57: Like the rest of the week, I expect today will be another uneventful day."

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

"Although your discovery is very important, the consensus is that your article about it lacked suspense, and was completely devoid of humor."

'I want to sue my veterinarian. He didn't keep doctorpatient confidentiality and blabbed about my sex change operation to the tabloids.'

Editor. Short. Sweet.

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'Y'know it started as a bedtime story he told his kids.'

How very Independent!

'Inflated gloom!'

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Roald Dahl's books updated for modern sensitivities.

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

List making as therapy.

'My advice; forget the elephant in the room - focus on the Quad Demy.'

'Oh great, now, not only am I cursed, but my photo is on the front page of the tabloids...'

"Have you figured out what the powers of that new super hero will be? How about the power to meet deadlines? That would be a good power?"

'Normally I don't like a newspaper because of its pictures.'

'It says 'three percent split infititives, 8 percent passive verbs, 16 percent compound-complex sentences,average sentence length 26 words,paperback rights $3.2 million,movie sales $8.3 million,total take $11.5 million,less 5 percent agents fees.'

"Then write it up for The Journal of Surprising Discoveries."

'Tell the doctor I'll be with him in another page and a half.'