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Ancient Grammar Police: 'Oh, for cryin' out loud...you never end a sentence with a . . .'

"You know your mistake? When they say 'speak,' you speak."

Tonight's English as a second language class has been cancelled,

'I say to hell with it. If it can't be said in English, it ain't worth saying at all.'

'It must be nice to be bilingual.'

'Smith, when I asked you to 'begin the tender process'...'

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

No... Clocks. DO YOU HAVE CLOCKS? It's a good thing Chuck raised his voice, because Pedro understood loud English.

"You'll have to phrase it another way. They have no word for 'fetch.' "

'I prefer 'Baby Boomer' over 'Senior Citizen'.'

'Give me two pronouns.'

Tug of pronunciation: 'We say to-may-to...' 'We say to-mah-to...'

Law School Contracts 101: Writing with words nobody can understand.

Night School Enrolment

"This is delicious. I'm glad I didn't try to order in Italian"

8 items or fewer.

Autumn: A Time for Reflection

'Son,we're learning how to speak teenage.'

Your English teacher says you use too many Americanisms.

"Remind me to demand a full refund for that 'Spanish Made Easy' course!"

'When the teacher says 'heaven help me', is that praying in school?'

'I hated to do it, but conflicts like this are inevitable without a logical language.'

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

"Let me put it this in terms you'll understand. First, you'll have to tell me what lanuage you're speaking"

"So I`m asking you to carry one more straw. What`s with the big problem?"

Communication issues.

Linguaphone language course, "Congratulations, this course should last two weeks before you give up along with all your other resolutions"

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'No use talking to him. He only speaks Latin.'

'No, Kevin -- there isn't any margin of error on spelling tests.'

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

"Oh no! The dog's eaten the Thesaurus"

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

Feng Shui classes / How to say Feng Shui Classes

"Stop worrying! It can't be THAT hard to learn Chinese - all the children speak it here!"