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Ancient Grammar Police: 'Oh, for cryin' out loud...you never end a sentence with a . . .'

"You know your mistake? When they say 'speak,' you speak."

Tonight's English as a second language class has been cancelled,

'I say to hell with it. If it can't be said in English, it ain't worth saying at all.'

'It must be nice to be bilingual.'

'Smith, when I asked you to 'begin the tender process'...'

No... Clocks. DO YOU HAVE CLOCKS? It's a good thing Chuck raised his voice, because Pedro understood loud English.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

"You'll have to phrase it another way. They have no word for 'fetch.' "

'I prefer 'Baby Boomer' over 'Senior Citizen'.'

'Give me two pronouns.'

Tug of pronunciation: 'We say to-may-to...' 'We say to-mah-to...'

Law School Contracts 101: Writing with words nobody can understand.

"This is delicious. I'm glad I didn't try to order in Italian"

Night School Enrolment

8 items or fewer.

'Son,we're learning how to speak teenage.'

Autumn: A Time for Reflection

Your English teacher says you use too many Americanisms.

"Remind me to demand a full refund for that 'Spanish Made Easy' course!"

On writing good...

'Bill, in the country it's a CELLAR not a BASEMENT! I won't come down 'til you use the proper term.'

'I hated to do it, but conflicts like this are inevitable without a logical language.'

"Let me put it this in terms you'll understand. First, you'll have to tell me what lanuage you're speaking"

'When the teacher says 'heaven help me', is that praying in school?'

"So I`m asking you to carry one more straw. What`s with the big problem?"

Linguaphone language course, "Congratulations, this course should last two weeks before you give up along with all your other resolutions"

Communication issues.

'No use talking to him. He only speaks Latin.'

"Excuse me.. does anyone here speak Sparrow?"

Turkey to human dictionary - 'Quiet!!! You don't realize what you're saying!'

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'No, Kevin -- there isn't any margin of error on spelling tests.'

"Oh no! The dog's eaten the Thesaurus"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."