La Living Laugh-off T-Shirts

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

Hypnotoon

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

'Therapy in L.A.'

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Pie chart of pub conversations

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"This area is popular with would-be actresses and models,we call it 'Silicon Implants'."

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

'A tortoise is coming toward us' 'I newt' 'I toad you' 'Great, I'm on Walden Pun.'

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

',,,I'm pretty sure I just saw your new window washer harassing another female tenant,'

Rodney kicked off his fitness regime by buying a heavier remote control...this was not enough.

'How very Putney!'

'That's why we're vice-presidents, and he's president.'

"Welcome to New Jersey, the 'What is that smell?' state."

Mugger mugging fast food.

'He used the treadmill, once.'

Santa's sleigh is being towed - 'No sleigh parking'.

"It appears Tom's cable is out again!"

Kwick Loans Street Vendor

"Sorry I'm late, train crashed again."

'Don't you just love fast track justice?'

'The meek don't want it!'

Reserved crime scene.

"...can you give us 5 motivational tips, the things that really made you unsuccessful?"

Crime in the street phobia.

Next Suicide - 3 mins.